There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
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After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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