My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
