Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
