i don't like sucking hair
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
try to milk me bitch
God, I missed his penis.
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