you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
