My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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