I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
