I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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