I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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