And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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