Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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