I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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