I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
