frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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