then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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