it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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