I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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