have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
