I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
