Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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