What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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