I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My feet surprised me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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