Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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