New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
