I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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