help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
