you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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