i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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