Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
