I looked at my own cervix.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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