If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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