so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
