HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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