you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
