Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
