Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
