Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
