His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
