the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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