mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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