His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
