can we get nightvision for the apartment?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
