You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
