It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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