I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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