She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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