If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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