just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
