The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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