Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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