life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
