I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
