i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
