I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
