bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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