you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this just has baby written all over it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
