who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
