ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
