I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
