420 ftw
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
